Hello! Welcome to my blog. I wanted to share with you my story. My name is Nova October and I am a single mother living with: ADHD, Depression/Anxiety and Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder, Type 1. I am 38 years old and I have been living with and treated for mental illness since I was 8 years old, that’s 30 years!! It has been a struggle for me since I can remember and I still face challenges in my adult life.
In 2020 I had a severe case of psychosis and I lost primary custody of my son. The trauma from my episode and the grief I felt (I missed my old life with my son) took 4 years to finally bring me into a state of acceptance. I read somewhere that “grief can not be rushed”, and it is true. It took me a very long time to recover. I am in long-term recovery now.
I am ready for a new beginning. I am ready to work through my trauma and to get rid of all the heavy baggage I have been carrying around since I was a little girl.
Growing up was hard for me, it seems like I’ve learned the majority of life lessons, the HARD way. Nothing has come easy for me. I have always been in the face of adversity.
Two years after my psychotic episode I relapsed and was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder. I experienced visual and auditory hallucinations which is why my diagnoses changed from Bipolar Disorder Type 1 – with psychotic features to >> Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder Type 1. My episodes have all been based off “religious delusions”. It is hard to explain but I do believe the root of the issue is grounded in spirituality. I think this mental illness has a spiritual component. And maybe that’s just a person’s way of describing it but 9/10 people with this disorder have experienced religious delusions. Just google it! I can’t make this stuff up.
I happy to say that I am finally in recovery and in a space where I can heal. Thank you for being here to share this journey with me! It’s going to be a shift, a new chapter, a new beginning!
My new medication regimen is finally on par. This is the most stable I have been in 4 years. It took a long time and three hospital visits to get me on the right combination of psych meds. It’s also taken me weekly therapy sessions for the last 4 years to get here, and A LOT of journalism. The good news is that the religious delusions have stopped. Because I finally broke my “belief system”. Because that is what it is about, it’s about this “belief” about religion/spirituality. It was almost like a light switch, because all of the sudden I no longer believe that my episode was caused by “witch craft”, that’s what I thought. I thought someone did black magic on me. And I truly, whole heartily believed that. This can also be referred to delusional thinking and paranoia. I thought I was receiving special messages from technology like, my phone, the TV and the radio. The religious delusions were not 24/7. I have experienced religious delusions/psychosis on four different occasions (in the last 4 years). It wasn’t all of the time and I was, and still am high-functioning and very self-aware. I am so grateful and BLESSED because I no longer have delusional thoughts or paranoia (the meds/therapy are paying off). My belief system finally shattered, thank God! Now I know that my episodes are mental illness, not black magic.
This is why I started this blog, to share my story. I want to document my healing journey and also share with others how I got here and how I coping with everything. And how I have overcome adversity. I hope this can inspire someone or educate someone. I want to speak up for the mental health community, that RECOVERY is possible.
I hope you join me on my journey. I welcome any comments or questions and I appreciate any feedback! Until next time.
Nova