E13 – Understanding Psychosis, Religious Delusions and How I am Healing

Living with long-term psychosis can be an intense and isolating experience, especially when symptoms like religious delusions and paranoia take center stage. For individuals who experience these symptoms, reality may feel blurred and overwhelming, with thoughts and perceptions that seem profoundly real, yet difficult to share with others. Religious delusions—beliefs that one has a divine purpose, is in contact with spiritual beings, or has special religious powers—can feel both uplifting and frightening, while paranoia can foster a deep distrust of others and the world at large.

Understanding these aspects of psychosis and finding a path toward healing is crucial for anyone experiencing these symptoms, as well as for their loved ones and support systems. Though the journey may be challenging, there are effective approaches that can help individuals manage their symptoms, reconnect with their communities, and begin to reclaim a grounded sense of self. In this blog, we’ll explore the complexities of long-term psychosis, the nature of religious delusions and paranoia, and the importance of compassionate support and therapeutic practices in the healing process.

It’s interesting because, I thought that I had four episodes of psychosis, however, now that I am finally healing the religious delusions have stopped all together. The belief system has been shut down! This means that recovery is possible. I am now able to see that I have been in long-term psychosis for years. For over three years I believed with my whole heart and soul that someone did black magic on me, and that my episode of psychosis was “satanic ritual abuse”. At one of my hospital stays I literally told the psych that my reason for admitting myself was because of “spiritual attacks”, “satanic ritual abuse”. That was about 6 months ago. It was recent!!

I was completely delusional. But it wasn’t all of the time. I have had four episodes in the last 3.5 years. As far as what triggered these episodes was stress. I do not do any recreational drugs nor do I drink alcohol. This was never about substance abuse. I have been out of work 85% over this period of time. In the 3.5 years I have had four different jobs and the longest I stayed at one position was 5 months. I could not hold down a job. While I was out of work I applied for disability. I was denied four different times. My attorney said that the next step was to reapply for SSDI. I chose to bite the bullet, and take a leap of faith. My mom found out about becoming a Mental Health Peer Specialist (she is the best btw!). I looked into and signed up for core training and MHPS training.

I completed my training in late July of this year 2024. The next step is to complete 250 internship hours. I started a part-time paid internship with a homeless shelter for women and children. I have been working for the past 3 weeks and I feel FANTASTIC!!

I don’t exactly know what I did or how I was able to break down my belief systems. My beliefs about witch craft and satanic cults has disappeared from my mind. At one point I reported it to the police. I literally drove to the police station and made a report of “satanic ritual abuse”. During one of my other episodes, I called 911 to report “child abuse”… I told the operator that I was a victim of child abuse and she asked me how old I am and I told her 4… I was experiencing some identity issues during that episode.

I think what happened was this: for the past 3 years I did not openly speak about my first episode of psychosis (I made some terrifying threats), I was traumatized, ashamed, grieving my old life. Because after my first episode in December 2020 I lost primary custody of my little boy. I was struggling to heal. I could not move past what happened and I felt so ashamed to talk about it.

After my last hospital visit, I did out-patient therapy. It was 6-weeks of group therapy M-F 9 AM – 2 PM. It was in this therapy group that I finally shared what happened in December 2020. I was telling the group of how ashamed I am and how I was having a hard time getting over it because I could not “identify” with it. Which was true. I thought it was witch craft. I did not believe it was mental illness. The therapist and one of the other patients asked me if I had experienced any “childhood trauma”. I knew very little about what childhood trauma even means.

It was this year 2024 that I began researching childhood trauma. And I learned that I did experience childhood trauma, for example: emotional abuse/neglect from my dad, moving 6 times during childhood and my parents divorce. All of these traumas are also known as “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACE). It is another name for childhood trauma. As an adult, I experienced trauma when I had my first psychotic episode, traumatizing my own child was traumatizing. So it took me experiencing trauma as an adult to learn about my childhood trauma.

Healing is possible! I am happy you are here, and I hope some of this information has been informative. I welcome comments and feedback!