Emotional validation is all about recognizing, understanding and expressing acceptance of another person’s feelings. By doing this, you’re creating space for that person to experience these emotions and process things without fear of judgement or rejection. You make them feel like their feelings matter.
Validation is a fundamental human need, yet it’s often misunderstood or dismissed as a superficial desire for approval. At its core, validation is about recognizing and accepting our feelings, experiences, and perspectives as real and valuable. When we receive validation—whether from ourselves or others—it reinforces our sense of worth and builds a foundation of self-trust. Without it, we may question our feelings, doubt our experiences, and struggle with self-esteem.
In today’s fast-paced, often critical world, learning to validate ourselves and others can be a powerful tool for fostering resilience, improving mental health, and deepening relationships. This blog explores why validation matters, how it impacts our lives, and ways to cultivate this essential practice. Whether we seek inner peace, stronger connections, or a better understanding of ourselves, validation is a step toward a healthier and more fulfilling life.
For me personally, I had a parent who yelled at me and punished me for crying. Growing up we moved around a lot. My dad worked in the oil business and we moved overseas over the course of thirteen years. It was hard enough saying goodbye to my friends and then being the new kid at a new school was rough. Not only that but there is an added layer of shock because, each country we moved to was so different. It was culture shock. There are many different layers of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE).
When someone yells at you for expressing yourself, it can be detrimental to your self-esteem. I will say this, everyone is different and everyone’s experience is valid. It doesn’t have to be “correct” in order for it to be “valid”. But we should deal with emotions in a gentle and respective way. Just because moving around growing up was difficult for me doesn’t me that it is difficult for the next person.
In my experience my dad yelling at me when I was in emotional distress caused me to be an adult who doesn’t know how to properly regulate my emotions and now I have very low self-esteem. Why? It’s because, I was given the cold shoulder when I was in emotional distress. I was reprimanded for expressing my sadness. That led me to become an adult with low self-esteem and who at times have cried uncontrollably. I used to have “crying spells”, and nothing could soothe me. I would just cry and cry and cry until it stopped. I did not know it any other way.
I now realize that my feelings are valid. They are my experience and they are valid. But it is not that simple to just say that my feelings are valid and POOF! my self-esteem is restored, no. It is now something I am dealing with at almost 40 years old (I am 38). I realize now that my low self-esteem stems from childhood trauma (or ACE). This treatment of “tough love” was harmful to my brain development and I believe it caused me to be diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I am not blaming my dad for this. I am just trying to show how this can manifest and how it did in my life. This is my experience.
Childhood trauma can be abusive. When you have a parent who punishes you for expressing yourself it makes you feel ashamed of your feelings. It’s called emotional abuse or emotional neglect. It made me feel like it was “wrong” to express sadness. What made it worse is that my dad would make threats when I was in emotional distress. My dad would tell me to “stop crying”, he would tell me “I’ll give you a reason to cry!”, “I will spank you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week”.
I will say that this kind of behavior from my dad was learned from his dad. It’s called generational trauma. My parents are baby boomers. Sure, we can blame their parents etc. But that is a cop out. I saw the trauma and I am doing everything I can to heal from it. I do not treat my son like that. I have never yelled at or punished my child for crying. Ever. Because I know it is wrong. I don’t know how I know that but I do. And that makes me feel like my dad should have known better. Why did he repeat the pattern? He’s a smart guy. It doesn’t make sense to me.
I am now learning… at almost age 40 that my feelings are valid. But it is taking me a long time to actually believe this. I know it in my mind but my heart feels otherwise. I still feel very hurt and I do not know how to let go of that pain. This is part of the reason why I started this blog. I hope you will join me my healing journey!
In conclusion, the impact of childhood trauma on self-esteem is profound and often far-reaching. When difficult experiences or harmful messages from early life go unaddressed, they can shape our core beliefs, sense of worth, and how we approach the world well into adulthood. However, healing is possible. By recognizing these old wounds and working to release the negative patterns they create, we can rebuild a healthy sense of self.
Healing childhood trauma may be challenging, but it’s also incredibly empowering; as we reclaim our self-worth, we open ourselves to healthier relationships, personal growth, and a life filled with more confidence and joy. With patience and dedication, the journey from trauma to true self-esteem is one of the most rewarding paths we can take.